Let me set the scene: It’s Monday morning. The sun is shining. It’s a warm 35 degrees here in Chicago. I am feeling like a winner. ObieQ and I are at school on time. He looks handsome and we managed to get out the house without one meltdown. We literally skip into the building. Today is a good day.
I see a few teachers as soon as I walk in. They look festive and there is something I can’t quite put my finger on. I just chalk it up to me still having on my sunglasses trying to camouflage being a hot mess. Dropoff is another prime opportunity for a meltdown so I’m trying to get and get out without drama.
As we walk towards Q’s classroom I notice that everyone has on ugly Christmas sweaters. It hits me that it’s their spirit week. Every day has a theme. They sent home a reminder. That reminder is on my refrigerator so I could see it everyday….and I still forgot. Q takes off his coat and has on the most NON Christmas sweatshirt you could imagine.
This is my lane. I should have been on top of this. I LOVE a theme. How did I miss this?
*Cue Law & Order music*
In the case of Mama Fresh vs Motherhood you are found GUILTY.
It hits me: Mom Guilt.
This shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but the way my anxiety is set up! I instantly started to think about all of the other things I am juggling and even the things that are slipping through the cracks.
This feeling is not new to me:
When I was a new Mama and working outside of the home I traveled a lot for work. I would cry in the Uber, leaving my 2 month baby behind. Mom Guilt.
As I have chosen to stay home and launch my own business we have made a lot of sacrifices. Including the salary I was bringing home. Money that we could use to vacation, move to a home with more room etc…Is that the right choice? Mom Guilt.
My child is currently protesting food he thinks is “yucky.” So I fed him chicken nuggets and grapes for 3 nights in a row. I was at my wits end–I just needed him to eat something. Mom Guilt.
Y’all I can’t do it all. I also don’t want to exhaust myself trying. So what do I do when these moments hit. When I feel like “Damn I can’t get anything right.” I stop. Literally stop in my tracks and take a deep breath. Then I tell myself the same thing I told ObieQ’s teacher today: I am doing the best that I can…and that is enough.